Aff, I'm currently in the worst mood of all..

These last weeks have been awesome, my birthday was great! And also my brother got married not too long ago and he is currently on his honeymoon.
I've been happy almost nonstop for a long while, until this evening.
Probably it's just me being reallyreally tired and emo.

Today I tried to draw something good, but I just can't do it anymore. Atleast I cannot bring any (for me) real feeling to it! I need to find that feeling I used to have. It also feels like I'm loosing my self in this new world. It's like I've woken up from a dream, and now I'm all grownup and lacking all the emotions that used to come so easily and give me so much creativity.

I need to find out who I am, surround myself with that which defines who I am. I need to start dream again and to find my way to that window that showed me the world of inspiration and magic.

I'm not a teenager anymore, but I still want to dream on. Does it really have to end? It feels like everything in my life depends on me being in the present all the time. Forcing me into thinking about things that are currently happening in my life, in my social life, school life, family life... all that.

I know that this probably is a utterly meaningless and egocentric rant. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel the need to express myself to someone far far away from my reality. Even if it's just to the internet, and even though noone is reading this, maybe something with my "creative-life" will change for the better if I post this...magically.


//Avi