~Aviendha-chan

Blah to everything !!
Or maybe not really, the reason I'm feeling blah is probably 'cause I'm a bit tired and sleepy xD So in the morning I will feel better..

But oh wells! Might as well update my journal a lil 8D !



A few things has been on my mind lately, I thought that maybe Icould share them with you.
Well first of all, I'm so angry with myself, because I'm so lazy and I'm such a loser.

I could have practiced one month of kung fu this summer(which i love!!). But I felt that didn't have the time at first, until I managed to get some time off so that I could atleast have a week to practice!
I went and trained for a couple of days, like (only) 3 days I think...
And that was all. >'(
I'm so damn dissapointed with myself.. maybe I started too rough, due to not working out for a very long while I'm physically not in such a great shape. I suck actually, so I could've used some working out.. but NOOOO >_< I manage to find reasons not to go!!

Well the reason I didn't work out and practice kung fu was 'cause I've registered myself to a web-summer-math-course and it's really hard! (Atleast if you don't have anyone to talk to/chat with about the small problems.) And it's so damn timeconsuming! It eats time i swear!!
So I try to keep myself serious and study like a good girl..

But one day, like a week ago (I hadn't even done that much math yet):
I wake up, eat breakfast and I literally spend the whole day (only with breaks for food and bathroom), I spend the whole freaakin day infront of the comp trying to solve math problems!!!
And I can't, i just dont manage to finish the chapter im suppossed to do! And it's so damn depressing because it makes me feel so dumb!! I don't understand and I'm so damn embaressingly silly because I'm afraid to post in the "help-forum"!!
Mainly 'cause I'm like the only one that gets stuck on the "simple" problems.. and noone else even seem to need any help except for me!! I'm so sick of being the only one posting there!!! it's so damn embaressing!!!

So after that day I quit doing the math everyday.. and when my parents ask me how the math is going the only thing I (can) do is mumble...

sigh...stupid math.. got to take care of it tomorrow.. gotto kick some stupid effin math ass >'(



Something fun has happened though, I've started to practice driving!! Hopefully I can get a license sometime soon, very soon I hope, though I've just started.. But I really really want a license!! It would be so freakinshly liberating to have one! xD

Oh! and atleast teh artness is going better! No artblocks yet! 8D
(and hopefully I didn't just jinx myself by saying that >_>;;; )
Now I've got the time so I don't need to be scared of doing bigger art-projects!! I can without the fear for lack of sleep, falling behind in school etcetc draw!! and it feels so gewd!!! hurrahh!! \o/



oo, and I've watched some good films this summer too!
enchanted (was allright, expected more though D: )

stardust, wooonderful fairytale!! And I love fairytales!! It had everything! princes/princesses/magic/unicorns/captains etcetc xD muchmuchmuuuch love to stardust!!

And ofcourse.. Sweeney Todd!!! D: I seriously love that movie!!
At first I was a bit dissapointed at the music, don't ask me why, I just didn't find it that special..
But holy frick, it IS special!! I mean, I've seen the film 2 times now (I know, I know, not that very many times.. but still!!)
And I canot stop listening to the soundtrack for my life!!
If I don't listen to the music I must hum it! If i dont hum the music it goes on in my head!!!
The best thing is, because it's a musical, all I need is the music and I feel exactly the same way I felt when I heard it in the movie! It's like its replayed in my head all over again! I know exactly which scene it is and what happened and all the faces! It's such an incredible film!! I could just go on and on and on about it! xD and seriously, I'm a fool for music!! lawl




Except for that I've just discovered RainCookie on deviantart!
I luff her art/stuff! It's so cute and it makes me happy xD lawl

Also I wish I could be more active when it comes to forums and deviantart.. I mean, I don't want to only post pictures, I want to comment all my friends and others pictures! And i want to make pretty journals!! I want to learn to know more ppl online!
Seriously! It's fun to be able to "hang out with artists", especially since i dont know that very many in rl! I mean, its nice when there is someone that actually shares that interest!! But I SUCK at being social on the net! D'':
I mean I often watch and read, but most of the time I'm too lazy to post, or I just don't do it :/ (=own fault! xD)

I'm so slow when it comes to those things! And it feels like everyone else is so fast!!! The time it takes for me to update/comment/draw a pic, someone does it atleast 3 times as fast as me!!
That just makes me feel pressured and stressed! And when I don't respond to someone fast enough I feel that that person will hate me forever and ever, and this also makes me feel pressured ! But at the same time I want to give thoughtful replies and such etcetc... It takes so damn much time for me T_T like teh effin math.. I'm slow.. sigh.. and a bit lazy.. <sob>

Anywho.. I'm gonna try to get more active, and maybe if it goes well and I like it, I'll even subscribe on deviart! It's actually quite cheap D: *just noticed the price*

oh..plus I seriously need to learn how to make thumbnail-links... o_< Where do I freakin find out how to do that!?!?!?!









Anywhoos, I'm starting to freak out a bit, tomorrow is a new day though! I can deal with some stuff then xD ! Like stupid math... why do I do this to myself!? I should enjoy summerholidays! not get school-related things to do! D':

Anyways.. babyes luv's!!<3

And dont worry, I don't actually expect you all to read this, I just feel I needed to write it down, thats all :/


I want to give big thankyou to all of you who comment/fave my stuff, it really means alot <3 thankyou !! :'o



ps. I'll shut up soon I promise, but I just wonder where/if I can find all the short commands on how to create links, change size/colours of the text when writing on DA D:!

Hi everyone

The time has come for yet another journal update!
It's been a rough, but fun, couple of months since the last update and I've had insanely much to do. You know, when you do things all the time and just live in the present because you don't have time to think about what you've done or what lies ahead. So the time just flies away without you even being able to take a breath! That's kind of how it's been for me. It's just crazy!! xD

Anywhoo.. today, o_o, my summervacation... started!
and it is raining! :'( though my heart carries faith!!
These last weeks the weather has been just wonderful! Sunny and everything! I'm beginning to get a beaaautiful tan! hurrah! \o/ (I kind of belong in the sun xD)
And so I guess it's just good that it's raining a bit too plus rain is allright as long as I don't need to be outside and in it xD also, I do love the sound of rain <3


summer... yummm...<3 I like it, because do you know what that means!?? eventhough I actually (believe it or not) am going to miss school a tad bit, I'm so incredibly glad! Beacause now I can do whatever I want to and need (emotionally xD). And this I can do without the feeling guilt, that I had during my school period due to the ammount of homework and other things I needed to do.
So do you know what this means!?!?!

this means more drawing!!!!! hurraaaaah!! 8D
more kung fu!!! D
more music!! <33

<sob>I'm so happy I could cry..(or maybe it's 'cause of the beautiful music im listening to right now)
I can't believe how awful I've been to myself lately and what I've done.. I must stop compromising the things i love!! I need to identify what I need and prioritate better!

Also, finally, I can sleep without any anxiety, finally, I am free.. unbelievable... <3




Well thats all I have to say right now, I hope it wasn't too boring xD on the other hand.. noone is twisting your arm o_O so whatever!! 8D! hurrah! \o/

ps.
oo! And I must recommend an incredible artist I've just discovered!! Hayley Westenra! She's got one of the purest voices I've ever heard!! And especially the song "Listen To The Wind" is just to die for! Makes your heart ache because its just so damn beautiful <3


mmkey?byenowhugglestackleglompkisses<3

Today was quite a horrible day for me.. actually I've been feeling really depressed ever since thursday/friday or something..
I have no idea why! I'm just feeling stressed and unbelievebly anxious for no particular reason!!! and its so annoying 'cause everything is going quite well in my life(socially, though not that very well "artisticly") so I really should be very glad! but im not.. stupid effin sheit... o_<

Anywhoo.. today I was so stressed, for no particular reason. So I felt I needed to calm down, and what better way to calm down than to draw? 8D
Though the anxiety didnt get any better, 'cause I just couldn't draw anything... not anything good atleast.. (im blaming it on the paper.. o_O; )
and it was so awful! Because I don't draw as often as I used to, and i read somewhere that you need to keep on practicing not just to get better but even to be able to keep your current skills.. and that made me even more stressed!!

So I paniced!! I mean, I even had thoughts as "I'm going to kill myself if I've lost my ability to draw" came into my head (but I probably wont do it so dont worry xD)
Anywhoo, I took a few deep breaths and just sat down and drew some sketches of ppl from a magazine. It actually made me feel a bit better...

But still, I think I have to take some more time to just relax and draw now and then.. rather than just spending my time infront of the comp doing nothing...

I must fight! D<

muhaha!

So I was at the Final Fantasy concert yesterday!! And I can without doubts say that it was one of the most amazing evening/night of my life!!!

From the very first song, i started sobbing, and stupid as I am, I forgot not to wear mascara! Aff! >_< but i managed not to cry my chins all black xD success!
It was soo beautiifuul! And amazing! They even had a big screen above the orchestra showing clips from the games making it even more emotional for me!
Especially when they played To Zanarkand, which i feel very close to since i know it on the piano also, so many feelings attached to that song, and it was just amazing!! (cant seem to say that too many times xD)

one thing though, I went there with my best friend, and when we got the program we were abit pissed.. or maybe not pissed, cos we were so happy for the music! But we were very sad that Main Theme and One winged Angel from FF VII wasnt on the show!! And i was so saaad!!

But at the end of the show, they made an encore, a suprise!! And we got so happy! Cos we just knew it had to be one of them!

But they played Terras Theme, which on the other hand also is so incredibly beautiful! (I cried there too xD)

But THEN! they made another encore!! And they played One winged Angel!!! And the effin crowd got all crazy screaming of happiness!! And it was so damn cool!! So much power!! God it was amaaaazing!!!


Also Nobou Uematsu sat in the audience!! And he was so sweeet!!
I dont know why, but i have this predjudice about great composers xD thinking all of them are a bit snobbish, but i was so relivied when I saw him, and when he came up on the stage and got applauses! His face just expressed the greatest happiness and thankfulness over his fans! Bowing for the applauses several times and everything! It was just amazing! xD And felt so much joy over him being as he is, a good person with a gift to make incredible music!!

btw! he had flip flops on him! 8D


In the pause i bought the cd, and a t-shirt, though small and medium were out of sale so i bought a large xD when i got home and put it on it was like a tent, haha! Though im going to worship it and sleep in it forever and dream about distant worlds.. sigh..

Aff! I'm so tired and I'm such an effin lazyass!! D:
the time has most definantly come for a new journal update!!


The time is now 2.13 am, and ive got school tomorrow! 8D hurrah!
But whats even more fun is that im going to a Final Fantasy concert tomorrow!!!! And im soo loking forward to it!!! Gosh its just going to be awesome!!! im probably going to sit there sobbing coz of the beautiful live music.. im so damn emotional when it comes to music D': actually when it comes to movies also.. >_>; im such a silly person >_<!


anywhoo, except for that, not that very much is happening. I'm mostly stressed about all the effin tests im going to do these coming weeks, their so big and awefully hard T_T but ill manage! i always do, lawl
Need to make a plan though.

Also I need to prioritize my health abit more, in other words: sleep more, eat healthier, work out more!!!
too late to start with that today though, as i said its already 2 am.. >_o
and im so tired im about to die T_T ...

Im going to try and update a bit more often, maybe spend fridays and weekends to draw, i seriously dont have the time to draw that much anymore.. aff its so sad T_T <sob>



anywhoo.. got nothing intresting to tell.. so i guess ima stop writing here >_> now D:

hopefully itll be more fun to read my next update, whenever it may be xD


all the best to you all!!
and nevah give up doing what you love!